today is his big day,both of us dress up nicely and went to the hotel to meet up with them.
all was done and smoothly then when reach yingx2 house i was throwing bit tantrum as heard tht shirleen going to play till very CB.
Then after which,go thru the door breaking and hubby got to wear pampers and tutu.omg.
I feel shameshame..but then after that everything is alright and soon i was abit okay but still unhappy as i felt like i was an alien..finally all is over and went back to hotel..my face is still black of course i miss SG!
Then we sleep a while and gtg for the dinner briefing..
i went to the groom and bride room for makeup and then went to ryan room for puff.
then hubby keep left me out and then they all talk around and i was been left out totally..
i felt like and idiot and i feel damn lonely..
No one i cdan talk to freely,nobody accompany me..hubby busy wi9th shirleen they all...
been left out,i miss home,my friends where i can be free.and be myself..
i wanted to leave and hubby holded me say what happen where i go..i dont feel like answering him,as i really feel lonely inside me.nothing can be help.
i went to ground floor at someplace where nobody can saw me facing the sea view and i cried.
i wished to be back sg even though is just a sea away,but i feel lonely over there indeed.
everything is so unfamiliar..i scare of loneliness but yet i still got to bear with it and do all those face changing game.i'm tired...
can say i'm over sensitive but put yourself in my shoes.shirleen know you all for how long?she wont feel lonely at all..she got you all and niu 24/7. and jingjing...
while me? i got nothing with you all i felt like i'm extra.really made me feel like i'm extra...
nobody made me feel safe and secure..nobody can give me the sense of home..
although everything is over but i think back i'm still afraid..
go ahead and laugh me for being timid bahs..but im really scare.
i'm a girl who lack of security alot..damn lot...
nobody really understand me...everyone think i'm unreasonable then that it...
i dont want to explain and say..nobody can understand how i really feel.
nobody has the home like mine nobody has the same kind of livehood and exp like mine..
so no one in this world will understand how i feel...how much phobia i have..
no one knew..
But after tat i drink beer and boost my daing.and also made me tipsy rather then i'm totally sober so as to not thinking about anything..i made myself feel in place and this is what i can do...other i really dont know already...
anyway in this world nobody will pity you you got to stay strong urself and for me by going thru all things i'm much stronger..
And after that we went to eat kuey chap and then niu keep cryin and saying lots of craps.
useless lahs!and also find shirleen pityful been jamed with him...
iritated me quite some times..
and shirleen always flirt with hubby and i'm going CRAZY..
I going to scold all my vulgarities i'm bearing it for too long..
KNN!NABEICCB!!!!KA NI NA BEI CCB!
PUA CB!
All i can say to describe my today 23/5/09.
For all the thing i'm suffer.
but anyway still wish chess and yingx2 blissful marriage.
Labels: on his big day