:: Saturday, February 26, 2011 ::
Oh well, everything seem to went smoothly for me recently but except for work!
Work wise, everyday met menopause ladies and always get scolded or reprimanded over little things.
Never mind, worst is you defend for yourself to talk back to them also wrong!
what the hell is going on around here?
Never answer call also get scolded for nothing.
Oh well~ blame it on their senority lors... This is all we can say.
And come to my boss, alamak she is just so.......
Instructions came in late and always give last minute work! never mind.
Other than that still, play around and neglected her work ended up all other department people chasing me down for stuff and work which is i cannot do de, only they can and they know how to do.
Is just like a submission!
OMG...
Can't believe that i can actually bear with her and work...
Alamak...
Forget it, there is nothing to keep in your heart with, everything will be fine soon.
Oh well, today no night market for me cos gong gong's birthday so we are all going over to celebrate which is abit bored for me.... nothing to do.....
Then coming week is baby's dad birthday!
the 2nd birthday that celebrating with me... whahahhaha...
oh well, i do not know what else to say liaos...
Stay tuned for next update.
Heartfelt words 4:03 AM
:: Tuesday, February 22, 2011 ::
Hmmm... Brother got into accident today.
Oh well, It happen at steven road.
Nothing seriously but still, it hurts everyone heart to see him like that.
But he is not listening to everyone.
Just hope that he can stop riding bike.
Anyway, all my words felt deaf on him.
While posting, had a quarrel with Him again.
Oh well, am tired, seriously tired. I hate it whenever you complain that you are very jialat lahs. or what lahs.
You have not been to the worst, so dont make those comment in front of me!
OK!
firstly, your parents will call you up everyday to ask how are you?
when you broke, they will give you money.
Anything happen, they will come to your rescue and ask how are you?
Birthday they will bring you out for a meal and sayang you.
They will give you all the needs and wants they can.
So ain't you fortunate to have your parents? so stop complaining or grumbling that you feel neglected or whatsoever.
To me, i led a normal life.
My birthday there is no one to celebrate with me when am young.
My expenses i work to cover it.
Anything i want or need i got to buy it myself through working.
Other than this, When am broke i just got to save and scrimp and eat maggie mee.
Everyone got their parents around doting them but am not!
I do not have someone to wash my clothes, someone to sms me or call me to check how is my work? I do not have someone to check if am going back home today? I do not have someone to check if i have eaten, anything happen today?
I do not have someone who will wait for me at home if am home late, i do not have someone who will wait and pay cab fare for me if am broke and unable to go home.
All i have is me, myself. Got to wait till dawn to take first bus or train back home.
I do not have someone to cook for me and wait for me to have dinner.
I do not have that special someones in my life! Not like you all.
So please do not been in the happiness and keep shouting you do not know what is happiness.
Or let say, Being pampered and yet shouting neglected.
These all, is what the basic that everyone will have but not me.
Until now, my mum does not even know where i work, how is my work place, what is my work field.
Until now, they do not know am i happy,sad, angry or devasted.
They do not know!
All i have is just only the partner in my life, but yet you only will focus on how good is your family. and keep bringing up to me.
i know i know don't need you to say it out loud to me!
The things is i hate whenever you or your sibling shouting neglected or can say you all has taken your parents for granted.
Try mine and you will know. I been envying your siblings all along, how i wish i have this kind of parent or let say they are my parents.
But oh well, truth is truth it can never be covered. And also even though they treat me well but they still cannot replaced my parents place.
This is the fact and this is my destiny.
Blame it on my soft hearted, Blame myself for being able to think and be mature.
Blame me! Blame myself!
Nothing more i can say could ever say my inner words.
All i have is grandparental loves.
The Big and generous from grandma.
She is the only one i have in my life.
I love you, ah ma.
Please stay by me and guide me through my life.
Nobody can replaced you and you will never be replaced, Cos everyone that mean something to me has each of their unique places and is no one can replaced not by saying or doing something can replaced. cos it take times to me the bonds there and make your root grow in my heart in that special place.
I love all of you, each of you belong to different part in my heart which make me as one whole piece now.
Baby, i love you too. for you your special place will always be there till the days you or me left this world.
Heartfelt words 12:44 PM
:: Monday, February 21, 2011 ::
Oh well, is been long since i last update.
Nothing much happen anyway.
But am feeling kinda unhappy or let say sad bahs.
Office politics is always driving me mad as usual, and best part is i don't feel that i belong to anywhere?
Been splited is not that good, but well, good things i have shares and bad stuff i also have shares.
Rachel is on MC today, covering for her. although is not alot of things but well, still...
Haish, speechless.
Then never mind, AT and WW team always seem to be like fighting with each other over me.
Am the one that is being splited and working hard like mad.
please ask me for my opinion instead of taking things at your own hand without asking me or approaching me!
Never mind, all didnt take me as part of the team.
Jean wise, only care about RACHEL SNG, everything only juggle her... How about me?
Well, i guess am being over hardworking to the extend that everyone aware of my capablities thus entrusting all heavy stuff to me bahs.
But! am still a human being! i need a rest seriously! i will die of exhausted if carry on like this!
No one really know how i feel as in aye, i do not know how to put it in words, but still i feel unfair!
i work so much, yet everyone is getting the same things.. so what is the point of me performing so well...?
OH MY GOD!
stop killing me! i will die seriously!
if you think that am not fit in your team or you do not want to talk to me then release me! let me go to AT team then.
Spare me from all the misery!
I cannot stand it!
Know that i can work and everything push to me! Am seriously very tired. Mentally tired. Nothing can help me to solve it.
Just hope that god can guide me through and let me be.
Just Spare me from all those stuff.
And Please remember Human made mistake this include you! ya you!
No one is perfect in this world.
And for godness sake stop acting as though you are the purest of us all! Stop acting naive and pure! i cannot stand it!
YOU'RE NOT ABIT OF PURE AT ALL!
BLOODY SHIT!
Haish.. forget it. Voice it out and let the matter rest bahs..
there will always be alot of things to update if am gonna talk about work here.
Haish.
Next post will be on picture taken on Valentine's day!
oh well, is not me and my baby but is my office colleague and bosses! And guess what is CTYN hatchday! enjoyz...
Heartfelt words 12:37 PM
:: Monday, February 14, 2011 ::
Today suppose to be a very happy day for everyone.
Is VALENTINE'S DAY.
oh wells, things does not goes smoothly for me in the morning.
Everything came crumpled, i do not understand why money has to be such a big issues?
Is only less than 50 bucks if everyone is gonna chip in!
Alamak, am speechless.
Firstly, i have to declare that am really broke, damn broke.
Broke to the extend that i got to cut down my expenses for few months to recover my lost for these few months.
Yet, still some people does not understand the meaning of am broke.
Am not that kind of person like as in i got the money and means yet i do not want to fork out or chip in.
Still, it goes back to the same circle or let say topic that am saying about.
I need to buy a house, using hot cash!
and i need to have alot of hot cash money,
But haish, sometimes my means is there and i cannot do much things and i does not have much strength to do all those stuff my own.
I will die, will die of exhaust.
Am so sians, am so tired already.
Haish, but oh wells, i do not want to bother so much already.
as i always said, everything i do in the end the claim or so called outcome will always be my brother is the best.
OH WELLS~
Let's talk about today bahs,
Nothing much happened. work wise, is kinda smooth but met some urgent stuff to do and to get it out.
And now have to cleared all stuff to get ready to moved to new company.
Then, other than that there's alot of virus or let's called it sick buds around.
Alot of people are sick.... YAWNS...
Then after work, baby brought me to cafe cartel to have dinner a plaza.
IT SUCKS.
Alamak, service sucks, slow enough even just for a bill to be paid. still have to walk up to the counter to pay ourself in the end.
AND
the food, not nice at all, eat too much is so sickening of it.
I ate the tender chicken chop, baby ate the pork rib.
And the review from us is bad, we wont patronise them anymore.
Alright, is getting late, i have to get ready to bathe and then go sleep.
Search for baby's birthday gift also... ^^
Heartfelt words 12:45 PM
:: Sunday, February 13, 2011 ::
One week has passed.
The new year atmosphere is going down...
No more CNY mood for me.
Starting to get back to work life again.
Is damn bored man, but no choice, i got to die die save money and earn my money to get my own house.
Only by going through all these then you will be a better person, if everything is given to you and spoon feed by people you will never understand the real meaning of living and all the hardships behind.
Jiayou bahs..
Whatever may come by, i believe me and baby will get our house de... Hehe...
Love baby lots lots...
Wanna have alot of sweet sweet photo with baby but everytime hardly got a chance to take any picture with a beautiful background nahs...
Haish, thinking of housing the thought of it make me feel like fainting... Am really afraid that we do not have so much cash for it wors...
Or am i just being over thinking or being over much lers? or is it just let it be and let things take nature?
Hmm, think end of this year maybe can source see how much exactly we need to have in our hand then see maybe my birthday next year we can go for it ler.
Is the 2nd Valentine's day that am gonna be with baby, we will not be celebrating or having any special things cos we believe as we love each other everyday is Valentine day to us.
Don't need to have a proclaim Valentine day then celebrate or being sweet to each other.
I have so many things to think of everyday and so many things to calculate for.
ALAMAK
i think i will die early sial... haha...
Never mind, dont wanna stress myself so much. just let it be bahs...
I believe if there is a will there is a way.
So at my age of 21 to get my own house and happily annouce there a plus one coming is not a difficult things..
So hopefully things will go my way and i can give my future plus one a happy and good home to be in .
LOVE YOU NTKH.
CHEERS...
Things will be good eventually....
what goes around comes around....
Jiayouz
Heartfelt words 3:08 PM
:: Tuesday, February 8, 2011 ::
Today, we have a so called "family" meeting.
Granny changed alot, from a gentle, generous and big hearted granny in my eyes changed to hot temper, forgetful granny.
Tomorrow bringing her to check up, thanks god that she agreed to go.
Things has been the same for this 2 years, yet nobody realise and no one choose to believe what ray and glady has voiced out.
Nobody seem to notice and pay attention to her at all.
No matter what may happen, whatever may come by, she will always be the most caring grandma i ever have.
I do not know what may be the result tomorrow, but am really hoping that she is nothing much but just that she has lost too much money and stressing herself.
Hopefully, that will be the only caused for it.
But still, these will lead to depression and alot of other illness.
I do not know what else i can do, am already doing my very best for you granny. all i hope is that you can see and you will be able to feel it.
I really cannot imagine the day you not around or whatever happen to you.
Please stay with me as long as you can.
I need you, the only support i had in my life other than baby.
Anyway, baby stuff already settled, dont feel like remembering it anymore.
will just continue my life and save money for our future.
Baby i love you.
Thanks for being there whenever i need you.
CHRISTINA LEE LOVE NICKY TAN
Heartfelt words 3:13 PM
:: Sunday, February 6, 2011 ::
Am still feeling so unhappy.
He don't understand what i want.
Am speechless now.
Am feeling so no comment now, i don't wish to talk to him now.
I feeling so abandon,unwanted and hatred.
Still, he cannot do to the extent as i stated.
Am afraid to say yes i do now.
Am really afraid.
Please don't blame me, but this is how my heart led me to.
you lost the ability to protect me and make me feel secured anymore.
even if you open your door up for me, it make no difference.
Heartfelt words 4:38 PM
Alot of things always left unsaid.
I mean, you are not me.
You do not understand how i feel.
I always felt that i missed something whenever i went in with you.
I will missed my family..
Although ya, i do not have a perfect family like you. But still, they are my family.
you do not understand and does not understand that kind of feeling.
is just like your Sister does not know your feeling.
Others will only say i Bully you "everything you do la", "always spent your monies", "dote me more than them lahs"
Honestly speaking, firstly, i did ask you to help me sometimes, but you can reject if you want. And this kind of things is we mutally agreed to help each other matter.
Secondly, I did not spent your monies. The only thing you got for me is LV bag that it.
I brought my own lappy, my own stuff, my own camera. So Please ask them to shut their mouth up if they do not know what is the things hidden behind.
finally, you dote them and me is the different things. they are your sister i know, am your future wife.
You dote them like mad, will they bear you your kids? NO!
You dote them like crazy, will they scrimp and save with you to buy yourself a house? NO!
When you left penniless do they offer to give you money? NO!
What you need can they give you? NO!
SO PLEASE LET THEM KNOW THEY AND ME IS DIFFERENT THINGS.
IS JUST LIKE HOW THEY WOULD WANT YOUR FATHER TO DOTE ON YOUR MOTHER MORE RATHER THAN THE AUNTS.
Things they know how to say and complain only when they are the affected person.
let them try to walk in my shoes before they come and complain or made any feedback to your DAD.
I know they treat me good, but as i always said i do not like people to make comments on me when things is untrue or things is logical.
I have alot of heartfelt words to say, but i can't say to you.
Cos you wont understand how i feel.
After so long, you still do not know what my inner side is thinking or feeling.
Certain things are meant not to be said out from the mouth.
I tried a lot of time to drop you hint and voices it out bit by bit, but still you can't really catch it.
Am tired and sian already.
I hate myself for caring so much.
I wish that i have no heart from now on.
Can please just let me don't give a damn on whatever things that is gonna happen in your family anymore.
I do not wish to make any comments.
AM TIRED.
It's been 2 years , 2 YEARS i wasted my energy and soul on something which i cannot see any changes, i being pinning hope that whatever you said time proved everything will really proved.
But am tired, seriously tired.
from now on, i will train myself to cooped everything in my heart itself and stop telling you how i feel anymore. i should be an emotionless person in front of you. I wont cry anymore.
I wont shed a tears anymore.
Everything will be in my heart.
Nothing i will voice it out to you.
Not now anymore.
Heartfelt words 4:09 PM
:: Friday, February 4, 2011 ::
Things is alot different in malaysia when come to new year.
Alot of things i cannot do at all.
Still, i miss my home.
At here, i got no friends at all.... not even need to say company liaos.
first day of CNY stayed at POPO's House until evening go back bathe le jiu go AH GONG's PLACE....
is boring... I hate it there...
Have to wake up early in the morning and then nothing to do...
Second day...
Is better though... i can get to sleep till noon time...
Then go AH GONG's HOUSE again...
Which left me half dead. Alot of mosquito bite... =(
after that around 6 plus went back home to bathe and change and go to ULU CHOH...
POPO's HOUSE...
Alot of people put fire crackers!!! DAMN NICE LAHS...
ownself also played quite a few...
but eventually it still went bored... BORED TO MAX...
It will be good if my family is here....
I can have more laughter and fun to play with..
More people to share my joy with...
Come to realize somethings, when i treated someone too good everyday.. they will not realize the goodness that you have.
Once you done something wrong , people will marked you down..
But when people who only done something once in a time good...
People treat them like god...
this scenerio is not only happening in my family... But in Baby's Family too...
Am a bit sad and affected by it though...
But haish...
eventually the answer i have is
THEY ARE STILL YOUNG, IMMATURE...
Heartfelt words 4:12 PM
:: Tuesday, February 1, 2011 ::
Okay.
Confession time.
This month am damn broke.
I do not know why but without me realizing am already broke.
Spent 19 bucks each on 2 tops.
Spent 19.95 on one dress which is like only the next day of my payday?
Then spent 20 bucks on movie and 100 on phonebill.
okie, roughly spent 180.00
then, went for reunion dinner which cost me $46 and $20 for Bak Kwa...
So total is $246.00....
Then then then, on sat night went out brought myself a Charger for DS and Camera Pouch which cost me like $14? then also brought a laptop bag and Camera Protector which added up like 30? then also brought 2 packet of cig that day one for baby and one for me myself.
On Sunday night i spent-->310?
OMG!!!! then top up ezlink card also. guess can see am like damn broke...
tomorrow still buying abalone for granny so cost another 100...
Total spending is $410.
My payday is still like 3 weeks away after CNY.
OMG...
Die Die Die...
Anyway, just control my money for this month...
should be able to overcome it.
brought Lappy and camera for myself...
OMG am Damn happy this year, is a good start for a NEW YEAR INDEED.
i have achieve all stuff by myself . one at a time.
and i done it! am freaking proud..
anyway..
MY NEW YEAR RESOLUTION FOR THIS YEAR IS SAVE SAVE SAVE!!!!! and HOUSE HOUSE HOUSE!!
Love you baby, for loving me
Heartfelt words 12:45 PM