Alot of things always left unsaid.
I mean, you are not me.
You do not understand how i feel.
I always felt that i missed something whenever i went in with you.
I will missed my family..
Although ya, i do not have a perfect family like you. But still, they are my family.
you do not understand and does not understand that kind of feeling.
is just like your Sister does not know your feeling.
Others will only say i Bully you "everything you do la", "always spent your monies", "dote me more than them lahs"
Honestly speaking, firstly, i did ask you to help me sometimes, but you can reject if you want. And this kind of things is we mutally agreed to help each other matter.
Secondly, I did not spent your monies. The only thing you got for me is LV bag that it.
I brought my own lappy, my own stuff, my own camera. So Please ask them to shut their mouth up if they do not know what is the things hidden behind.
finally, you dote them and me is the different things. they are your sister i know, am your future wife.
You dote them like mad, will they bear you your kids? NO!
You dote them like crazy, will they scrimp and save with you to buy yourself a house? NO!
When you left penniless do they offer to give you money? NO!
What you need can they give you? NO!
SO PLEASE LET THEM KNOW THEY AND ME IS DIFFERENT THINGS.
IS JUST LIKE HOW THEY WOULD WANT YOUR FATHER TO DOTE ON YOUR MOTHER MORE RATHER THAN THE AUNTS.
Things they know how to say and complain only when they are the affected person.
let them try to walk in my shoes before they come and complain or made any feedback to your DAD.
I know they treat me good, but as i always said i do not like people to make comments on me when things is untrue or things is logical.
I have alot of heartfelt words to say, but i can't say to you.
Cos you wont understand how i feel.
After so long, you still do not know what my inner side is thinking or feeling.
Certain things are meant not to be said out from the mouth.
I tried a lot of time to drop you hint and voices it out bit by bit, but still you can't really catch it.
Am tired and sian already.
I hate myself for caring so much.
I wish that i have no heart from now on.
Can please just let me don't give a damn on whatever things that is gonna happen in your family anymore.
I do not wish to make any comments.
AM TIRED.
It's been 2 years , 2 YEARS i wasted my energy and soul on something which i cannot see any changes, i being pinning hope that whatever you said time proved everything will really proved.
But am tired, seriously tired.
from now on, i will train myself to cooped everything in my heart itself and stop telling you how i feel anymore. i should be an emotionless person in front of you. I wont cry anymore.
I wont shed a tears anymore.
Everything will be in my heart.
Nothing i will voice it out to you.
Not now anymore.