It being quite long since i last update my blog.
It's kinda of busy, but not really busy weeks for me.
Oh well, somethings does happen yesterday which i wanted to blog about.
It's not about my personal life, but is about work life.
My two bosses, AHN and KXY.
Both of them are female bosses, and of course, they are "nice" as in sometimes only.
They always have the mentality that am a octopus or let say they know am efficient but not to the extend that to drown me with all your instruction mahs.
I will die you know.
Yesterday, KXY send me a long email (office email) saying something like, (am sorry but my mermories is fading can't remember every single details).
She said" You have being a very good and efficient secretary to me, frankly speaking i won't know what to do without you. and thanks for doing the arch file and come in early today to help me bind the subs "
Think is a praise hmmm? wait and see , read on more.
Then she said" there's two things that i would like to comment about, which is your attitude and (i forget liaos).
You know am waiting for that arch file to be done, so that i can work on it, but how come you didn't tell me in the very first hand?
Then when i approach you to talk to you, you back faced me reluctant to look at me when am talking to you.
You let me feel that you did not respect me at all, nor treating me as a human being.
And if you want to complain to rachel or widya please do not talk so loud, try to tone down.
You are a SUPER good secretary i want people to know you is because of your work and not known you because of this.
I didn't mean anything by sending this email, please don't feel hurt, or upset by this email.
Am just guiding you to be more professional.
This is all i can remember from her email.
Okay, let's talk about my explantion. or let say my feeling.
firstly, you really broke my heart by saying all this to me.
secondly, you all always said you understand me for being splited between two teams is very chaotic and difficult, but none of you given me the understanding.
For example, there's an occasion when i need the trolley to move my stuff up to storage for moving of office and that erika trolley, guess what she said? She said" this is AT's Team file first, your one is not AT's Team so please dont put it on this trolley, you can bring it up yourself?" How you feel?
Never mind. I bear with it. My mind was only thinking of protecting and getting both of your stuff done.
Jean side also, chase me for bills? for admins? and ask me to chase you for this and that, but ever since you told me these few weeks you have a very chaotic schedule did i ever chase you for it? NO! I tried to cover for you instead let you have some free space then i will talk to you about all the admin that is overlooked.
Erika side, Bills got to be checked by bosses if not she don't care, knowing that both of you busy i dont let you check i try my luck and take the risk, in the end the bill went wrong my fault. I keep quiet i acknowledge is my overlook, But what else you all said? Nothing but blame me too.
AHN want her things first she said URGENT, you also said you want your things first URGENT!
If i said i got no time to do either of yours, all i get back is you must know how to priortise your work. SHIT LAHS.
In the end, AHN will only say if there is a need for you to stay and clear your work please stay.(what i have done you all didnt see it)
Never mind. I bear with it.
Am always thinking that KXY is the most understanding bosses i have but oh well, now it does not seems this way. You said i hurt your pride by backfacing you.
How about ours? We just sat down at our place during lunch didnt even talk you shut your door straight. morning time we just came in you shut your door again. The moment we open our mouth to talk about work or ask questions you also shut. We are also human being, the moment we open our mouth you shut your door against us! How we feel? we tried to be understanding that you need to focus on your work.
But we cannot seems to convince ourself with this reason anymore.
Is making us feel so low, is like we do not have a room to talk in, lunch time also cannot talk, then how are we going to de stress ourself? LUNCH is not like LUNCH anymore.
You hurt my pride and my heart by saying all those to me you know?
You didnt protect me against other people.
Others keep using me to do their work whereas they got their own secretary.
Nobody is protecting me at all.
I does not belong to either team, No belonging for me. Anything happen nobody bother all said is "is not my team" !!!
FML.
Am getting tired, seriously tired of all this, i dont want to carry on anymore. please let me off.
I love both of you seriously, i wanted to maintain a very good bonding between us so that we can have a very fun journey whatever big things we are working on. But well, you all seems to push me out from your world.
I feel damn sad. really sad. All of your saying your belong this team that team but who am i? where i belong? nobody say about it, just because am splitted. Am damn sad.
All those problem i have met, nobody knows. Am tired.
Let me have a break.